draft with errors

RULE:
Lots of tiny, mundane, administrational affairs = accumulation of KarmaCard points.

"He-llo. Wel-come to Re-cip-ri-cal serv-ic-es. Press one for bill-ing or acc-ount in-quir-ies, two for sales, three to red-eem kar-ma-Card points, four to hear our cust-om-er pol-ic-y, and five to speak to a cus-tom-er ser-vice rep-res-en-ta-tive."
"You have pressed three."
"Please wait, we will be with you in a mo-ment."
(dead air)
"All our op-er-a-tor's are bus-y. So sit back, re-lax, and a-bove all ex-er-cise pa-tience."
(more dead air, then, dead music)
”Accumulated KarmaCard points? Visit KarmaCard.com and shop in our online store. Just enter your account number, your password, your date of birth and your special KarmaCard number, and you’ll have unrestricted access to our Good Fortune Web Catal–“

“Hello this is Arvette speaking”
“I’m sorry did you say Arvette?”
“No No, I said Arnette.”
“Oh, Arnette?”
“No, Annette!”
“I’m could have sworn you said Arvette, and then Arnette!”
“Yes, okay sir. What can I do for you this afternoon?”
“You’re telling me you didn’t just say Arnette? You may have not said “Arvette", but you certainly said Arnette.”
“Yes whatever you say, sir.”
“Excuse me? Don’t give me that customer care bullshit - patronising”
“Sir, I regret to inform you that you’ve just lost 130,000 KarmaCard Points.”
“WHAT? Oh shit. Okay. I’m sorry. Ah…how many do I have now?”
“345,230”
“And what would I get with what I had five minutes ago?”
“Let me see. 450,000+ points would have got you a one-night encounter with a highly attractive, big-brained female. You will, let me see, computer’s loading, ok. You will charm the pants off her in one night of indescribable passion, until the following day at which she’ll realise, that you’re merely a thirteen year old boy in a man’s body.”
“Doesn’t seem like I’d be gaining anything”
“Well, the item is more focused on the night of passion.”
“One that I can’t experience anyway. So what can I get with my 345,000?”
“You’re entitled to meet the same attractive, big-brained female and form a long term, plutonic friendship. She will come to see you as a brother.”
“So I’ll always be feeling asexual around her? No thankyou.”
“You can be friends with a female, sir.”
“Yes, but not like the one you’ve described. It will be physically painful. For me.”
“Why don’t you just give it a try. These items are, in their truest sense, prizes.”
“PRIZES? I don’t call a night of inferiority, and a lifetime of discomfort, prizes.”
“Sir, there’s that tone again.”
“You heard that too? Hang on are you talking about that beeping noise that I just heard, or about the tone of my voice?"
“Both. I regret to inform you that you have just lost a further 130,000 KarmaCard points.”
“ARE YOU SER- ious… shhh….Sorry! shhh. Okay. I’ll just take what I can get with whatever’s left.”
“Ok sir. You’re entitled to a free six-inch subway sandwich of your choice.”
(silence, teeth grinding)
“Okay. How do I get it?”
“Reciprocal Services will send you out KarmaCard Coupon, redeemable only at Eastern Suburbs Subway Restaurants.”
(silence, teeth grinding)
“Okay. I’m in the west, but okay. How long will it take to arrive?”
“4-7 weeks.”
(silence, more teeth grinding)
“Okay.”
“Sorry about the complications sir, hope you enjoy your prize.”
“Thankyou Annette. Listen. One more thing –“
“Yes, sir?”
”When you said before, that I should try to be friends with a girl – of course, I have female friends – but when you said that, that I should try, did I detect a hint of something?”
“Sir, I’m not quite sure what you mean.”
“You sounded like, you were trying, to tell me something.”
“Sir, I’m not quite sure where you are going with this.”
“Really? I thought I was being obvious. Ok. Well, would you, like to, perhaps be friends with me?”
“Sir, I regret to inform you, thats another two infractions - a further 260,000 points.”
“FOR WHAT??”
“Let me check, just finding pamphlet, C6- page 12...ok. 130,000 for unprofessional telephone conduct, 130,000 for inappropriate act of solicitation.”
“Okay. What have I got left?”
“Let me see. You now have a negative number of KarmaCard Points on your KarmaCard.”
“Which means?”
“Which means you: fall down a local railway station staircase.”
“Isn’t that a bit extreme?”
“Negative KarmaCard points rise in severity exponentially.”
(silence, teeth clenching)
“Okay. So how long ‘til this happens?”
“Well, tell me, how will you be getting to work this evening?
"By...shit."
“Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“No, no. You've done enough.”
“Okay sir, Thank you for using Reciprocal Services.”
“No, Thank you, Arvette.”